The Jean Grey Era
Every It Girl has a dark phoenix inside them...
Y’all I went on the craziest lunch date this week. 1 of 2 I’ve been on since I made an intentional decision that I was ready to start opening myself back up to someone orbiting my sun again(now 3 since I started writing this). Literally a whole week & a half ago to be exact. And let’s just say it went from this man “stealing” a kiss from me (aka him trying to force his tongue in my mouth) to him asking me to cut off my other options and finally calling me a liar because I told him I wanted to sleep on it. Mind you sir, I’ve known you like 3 days. I’m sorry, it just tickles me that life can be so predictable and unpredictable at the same time! Wait, I didn’t even say hi and how are you or nothin’ did I? It Girlies and Guys! lol My sincere apologies. I was so excited for our monthly catch up session, that I got right in the drivers seat and hit the damn gas.
I hope you all enjoyed your Mother’s Day, however you chose to honor yourselves and those that also make it a priority to make you feel loved. Mine was super peaceful. May makes 5 months since moving to New Orleans. I don’t just feel like myself again, I can literally feel myself blossoming in this new container. Integrated, full bodied, rich and layered. It’s like a new level or practicing these new powers with a deeper understanding of what that shit, does to other people. It all sounds so arrogant but I’ve made the mistake of underestimating “it” too many times before.
All of it reminds me of the character Jean Grey, from the X-Men. Nerd alert! lol Beautiful, super intellectual, peaceful, self aware and yet that Dark Phoenix was always there. Not just an alter ego. An uncontrollable power, just waiting for a moment to be unleashed. It took her absorbing an incredible amount of energy to evolve into the Dark Phoenix. Even her mentors and caregivers feared what layer dormant inside her, because that level of strength and power was beyond comprehension. Jean Grey integrated her dark side and light side to reach her highest evolution. She was always both and her journey was about mastering this energy and her pain. I couldn’t help but see the It Girl, in her storyline. Is this making sense? Or am I trippin? lol
Anyway, we’ll get back to her, hop in and let’s get on into this newsletter friend. I’ve got a lot to share with you!
A few dates & a few new spots
Turkey & Wolf. I’ve driven by this place so many times and the line is always out of the door! So when he suggested meeting here, I knew we had similar tastes in food. Which is pretty much a necessity. He was from Brooklyn, NY. But he’s been living here in Nola for 20 years or so. 51, owns his home and a local business. Really nice guy and I enjoyed his company. We haven’t spoken since.
What power did I realize here? Mastering this level of self love truly allowed me to enjoy the experience for all that it was and not fantasize anything it was not. It felt really good to know that we were both nice, physically attractive people, who simply didn’t feel a connection. No internalizing and no overthinking happened.
El Patron He said it was on the “West Bank”. I’m still getting familiar with the city, so I don’t know the names yet. I’m always open to exploring parts of Nola I haven’t been to. He sent me gas money for driving to his side of town. Brought roses, which I thought was sweet. 56, never married and no kids. I mean, I’m not married and no kids so how can I judge right? Until, he pulled the stunt of kissing me in the mouth. The boundary testing continued. Deal breaker. Now he’s blocked but the food was really good.
What power did I realize here? I can repel anything & anyone not in alignment without doing any heavy lifting. I didn’t show up with expectations, just standards. Him not meeting my standards didn’t make him a bad guy, but it also didn’t give him permission to talk to me crazy after he realized that he could not exceed my boundaries. Nor could a nice lunch & roses make up for where he fell short. I’ve always focused on the good in people, even when my radar set in on red flags. Now I’ve learned to use this gift to intuitively avoid the bullshit.
Crack’d Brunch We started with brunch. He had already suggested 3, nice spots and let me choose. He was on time, immediate points. Started off a little rocky, the waitress kept looking at me like “You okay girl”! LOL I nodded to assure her. Our banter lightened and we talked about his upbringing in Nigeria and how he ended up in Nola. Younger, 34. He’s got a free spirited energy about him and we decide to hang out for the day. Storyville Museum I have a list of places I want to check out here. This museum is on it. We thought about the zoo or some pool party he suggested, but this place has air conditioning and it’s really more my vibe. He’s flexible, he’s not boring me or weirding me out. So why not keep the party going?
Pigeon & Whale on Freret Street Our last stop before a little stroll. It was the perfect place to people watch and enjoy the gorgeous weather. All while giggling and blushing, stimulated by the well crafted cocktails. We didn’t have any food. I didn’t touch a door all day. We’ve been out several times since… I kinda love dating in my 40s. lol
What power did I realize? Solo traveling, reading & being more aware of the world outside has only increased my attraction. (Law #20 of 44 “An It Girl is always well read. Knowledge gives her keys to rooms she’s never entered… and takes her to places she’s never traveled) Physical attraction is one thing. When your conversation sparkles beneath the surface it allows others to shine too. A glow is extremely hard to forget.
Turn Down Service
Join me on Sunday evenings at 4:30 CST, here on Substack. Consistency isn’t always sexy but the results that come after, ALWAYS are! Get into this movement. Let’s take the mystery and marketing out of products and chat about what is actually working. I’ve missed a couple Sundays but we’re back to our commitment to self, this week. Come through!
Law #39 of 44 The It Girl moves on.
Pain is this part of life that we try our hardest to avoid. But it is inevitable, unavoidable and absolute for those who choose to actually live this thing called life. Social constructs, in a way are created to provide the illusion, that if you behave “the right way” you can live a pain free life. You can do exactly what is expected of you and face far less challenges, that is true. You can totally let society determine what it means to be gendered, adopt the ideal that how much money you have determines your worth and that color of your skin defines your humanity. You may look around after half your life time and see things so black & white that it can be free of beauty too. It’s perceived to be easier, as long as you are okay with denying parts of your authentic self. The world can make you feel as if your favorite color doesn’t matter in moments so dark you can’t see it anyway.
There will always be someone, who carries light. The It Girl, feels the rejection, the punishment and the judgement. But she moves through it. That authentic self, that holds space, is exactly what carries her through the painful experiences that her counterparts fall victim too. She understands that pain is necessary to process beauty. At the same time, dwelling in dark spaces too long will affect the mind, body & spirit. Which is why the “it” factor isn’t particularly common to every pretty face or popular person. Many can wear a mask of happiness, but beauty is also energetic. Some of us are born with it and some learn to cultivate it, we all just need a way to remember.
The African women who experienced enslavement in New Orleans, were asked to cover their hair to stifle their authentic beauty. Some of them, remembered and adorned their scarves with pins, feathers and adornments. They were the It Girls of their time. Women in Ukraine, maintained underground hair and nail salons while war devastated everything known to be life around them. They are the It Girls of their time. Not based on vanity, but out of accountability to expressing who they know themselves to be. By the knowing that they are worthy of the best, even in the worst circumstances. It’s inspiring to know that women found these ways to move forward.
There are societies all over the world where culture makes no priority of individual needs and wants. But pain is universal and there is compassion for what pain does to us. Yet there is purpose in understanding that putting on your Signature Red Lip, has purpose far beyond aesthetics. It’s a small act that may seem superficial, but I’m here to tell you it matters. Especially after a few days of not being able to get out of bed or one of life’s knock down drag outs. Even in group thinking, remembering holds space for the unique ways God made you his own creation. Unlike anyone else.
Whether you need to put your feet in the grass, go to the beach, plant seeds in dirt, get your hair done, put your hands in clay or go to church. An It Girl remembers and actually processes her pain by moving through it. Doing what is natural to her keeps that light in her life.
Letter from the Editor
If you’re not an X-Men fan, this whole Jean Grey thing probably makes no sense to you. I got into it, because my Brother loved comic books and it’s something I’ll always remember about him. His birthday was May 5th, My Dad’s was May 10th. It really brings me comfort to know they are together in spirit and fiercely protecting me on this earth. I am seeing things clearer and much faster now. I am feeling a confidence that I am unfamiliar with and it’s far beyond anything exterior, although I keep the packaging up to par. It’s almost like everything they told me to be scared of, I’ve realized I have the courage to deal with. Like all of the strays I caught, while someone else protected themselves, I now dictate where those bullets go. Kinda like soaring and flying around in the 5th dimension, absorbing solar flares. Like my own Charles Xavier, actually raised me even better than he was aware of and nobody is fuckin’ with this energy.
This. feels. good. Embracing life again with open arms AND the knowledge & experience to protect my heart at the same time. Stepping further into light and liking what it reveals. Even the shadows are beautiful. I still need my friends, my family and I need romance too. I just have more of my authentic self to offer them. If they lack interest or capacity at any point, this big & full energy keeps me filled up. A lot less room to feel the impact of projections, less space to linger in the vastness of grief. Life does go on. A notion I cling to when the world feels empty and life reminds you that none of this lasts forever. Right now it’s all about creating moments that do. In fact, I just remembered, it’s always been that way.
It’s fascinating what we can get used to right? What becomes normal after you repeat it so many times. I’ve always said that life can offer you 10 amazing things at the same time and you’ll still need to ask yourself, what do I really want? Hopefully you have the answer. As for me, I’m coming for everything that’s mine. I want us all to connect on that level. Everyone going after what “they” want. Solo but together. It’s a vision I really can’t let go of in spite of all of the forces against it. I keep writing and keep fighting to keep us all free. No matter how far off the grid I get, please know I always want to best for you. My only ask is that you share this energy with another It Girl or X-Man you know. Until next time my loves.
If you made it this far, You are not only that Gworl/that Guy! You know how to make it to the finish line. I bet you know how to be consistent too! *wink* So we won’t say goodbye, just Ciao for now. Do me a solid and share this with someone you think could use the confirmation or the reminder. Until next time Fab folks!
Joy
